Boris and the BNP – a marriage made in Hell

Posted in fuckwits, Media, People, Politics, The Written Word, Today's Society with tags , , , , , , , on April 2, 2008 by bootlegmarkchapman

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I don’t suppose it’s a massive surprise that the BNP have recommended that their voters in the London mayoral election give their second preference vote to Boris Johnson. The humour – and the irony – in the situation comes from the efforts by both parties to distance themselves from one another. They are both clearly concerned with the sensibilities of their potential core vote – Tories and those impressed by celebrity on Boris’ side, unreconstructed Nazis on Barnbrook’s. While the BNP are concerned that being too glowing about Boris will upset the voters who don’t think the Tory party are quite racist enough, Boris is playing the “don’t take that ‘piccaninny’ stuff too seriously, I’m a lovable rogue” card. But in this case, Boris and the BNP are well-matched.

The article from which the “piccaninny” quotes came often gives rise to howls of foul play – innocent words taken out of context and all that – but there aren’t many ways that a description of African people as “piccaninnies” can be taken. In fact, there is only one way, and it’s hideously patronising towards an entire race. Yes, it is racism. And it’s far from the only instance in that article, let alone Johnson’s entire public career. It may well be that the leaden-footed intervention from the Brainless Nazi Party is a timely boost to those fighting against Johnson’s campaign, and we may at least have them to thank for that.

Currently, according to a recent Evening Standard poll, support for Johnson outstrips Ken Livingstone’s by 10%. For the most part, Johnson’s support hinges on two things:

  1. This would be Livingstone’s third term as Mayor. Though he is widely seen as having done a good job, there is a concern over the freshness of his leadership, and this is aggravated by the current unpopularity of the Labour government.
  2. People have seen Boris on the telly, and they find all that “Gosh, cripes” stuff funny and endearing. While this is precisely the last thing that should be used to justify voting him in as Mayor, it’s working for him because people forget that the future of their city would be negatively affected by having a pompous moron at the head of its legislative assembly.

There is not much that can be done about the first, outside of continuing to push the message that Ken has already been pushing. Therefore to keep Boris from getting in and making an absolute cunt of everything, it is on the second of these two fronts that he must be challenged, and it is key that people continue to draw attention to Boris’ sniffy expression of distaste for black people. It could, therefore, be very helpful to make a nod to the fact that the BNP seem very comfortable with the idea of Boris as Mayor. For all that they lampoon him as a joke candidate, he’s scarcely any more ludicrous a personality than Richard Barnbrook or Nick Eriksen, who today had to stand down from the assembly election because he was exposed as someone who thinks it’s OK for husbands to rape their wives. Briefly continuing this tangent, it’s amusing that the freaks accuse the media of taking Eriksen’s comments out of context when the blog is still up and if anything, makes him look even more of a knuckle-dragger than the excerpts that have been widely quoted.

What is absolutely certain is this:  we can laugh at the idea of Boris Johnson as a serious politician until the cows come home and make comedy racist jibes about the yaks.  But at the moment there is a very real danger that, come May, he could be mayor of one of the most important cities on the planet.  It will be harder to laugh when he welcomes delegates from all over the world and causes widespread offence by laughing at their clothes.  Prince Philip may be a colonial throwback with a regrettably loose tongue, but at least he’s subservient to his more circumspect, more civilised wife.  When Boris next says something horrendous, it could be that there’s no-one to slap him down, because if a bunch of star-struck, politically illiterate people have their way, he’ll be the highest authority in his firm.  The fact that the BNP are pushing for this to happen should be a wake-up call for people who might let this happen.

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For evil to prosper, we just need loads of twats

Posted in fuckwits, Politics, Today's Society with tags , , , , , , , , on March 29, 2008 by bootlegmarkchapman

Before I smashed my right pinky in a kitchen accident of earth-shaking idiocy, I wrote a post about the desperate attempts by the Bigoted Nazi Party to portray themselves as a cuddly, modern party that absolutely doesn’t hate blacks and gays. As I may have failed to mention at the time, these efforts have already had ground-breaking results, bringing Griffin’s Gang no fewer than zero seats in Parliament. That’s not to say that their ideas haven’t found favour with some, however.

This guy decided to take me to task on my liberal, utopian viewpoint. He decided that I have a utopian viewpoint because he’s not very bright. Here, for those who don’t wish to swim through a sea of barely literate and hugely speculative piss, are his edited highlights (he’s the one in italics, I by extension am not).

So you are happy to let the UK be taken over by religious ideology which has its roots in 7th Century Arabia? – Yes, that’s EXACTLY what I said. Kudos on reading between the lines. When I said “Nick Griffin could pledge to dangle his dick in a bucket of custard on taking his seat in the House of Commons in the full knowledge that he won’t need to make good on it”, what I actually meant was “please open a Halal butcher’s in my living room”. Fuckwit.
During the early 70’s a plan was put into operation by which these people could take over the UK and Europe, this plan needed uncontrolled immigration of Muslims. – Wow, that’s quite a bolt from the blue, I must read the proof that you’ve so kindly provided. What’s that? You have none? Oh. Well, that’s a shock.
The plan has worked very well, within 50 years the British population on this Island will be a minority…FACT NOT FICTION. Now do you really believe that the Muslims will not bring in a Islamic state when they have the power to do so? – well, regular readers will know that, while I get a lot of my demographic information from deranged pricks in blog comments, I do sometimes look to the most recent Census. This belt-and-braces approach can sometimes lead to conflicting information. While my correspondent tells me that unlimited immigration from Muslim countries means that the British population on this island will be under Islamic rule by 2058, the Census seems to suggest that the White British section of the population makes up around 85% of the total population! Who to believe? The bell-end or the people who actually have the information at their fingertips? While one side has a devoted team of statisticians and all the data, the other types SOUNDBITES IN BLOCK CAPITALS.
Come on what is your plan apart from doing NOTHING? – well, gee, I dunno. I was just going to drape loads of bacon over myself and hope the Muslims would be scared to touch me.
So I await with baited breathe what your answer to this problem really is or are you just a big waste of breath like the rest of these mamby pamby liberals look here’s utopia idiots who think everyone is like you? – I myself am waiting with “baited breathe” to find out what “mamby pamby liberals” are. I think it’s like “namby pamby liberals” but with a bit more dancing. But I will agree, I am concerned about the rise in numbers of “look here’s utopia idiots” who think everyone is like me. I can’t move for those cunts, it’s becoming a real grind.
I am really considering joining the BNP and will most likely give them my vote and I don’t really care what you think about that – I had been labouring under the impression that everybody really cared what I thought about everything, and now this happens. I’m honestly not sure I can carry on living.

So there it is. For anyone who had previously thought all BNP voters were idiots, I bet you’re feeling really silly now.  For everyone else, I hope you’ve enjoyed this edition of “Someone Talking Complete Balls And Tying It Together With False Statistics And Making Bewildering Assertions And For Some Reason Expecting Me To Feel Really Put Out That He Doesn’t Consult Me Before Forming An Opinion”.

Right-wing bigot hits out at bigger right-wing bigot

Posted in fuckwits, Media, People, Politics, The Written Word, TV with tags , , , , , , , , , , on March 7, 2008 by bootlegmarkchapman

The BBC should really know better. Perhaps it was pre-emptively avoiding claims of suppression from the Bigoted Nazi Party by allowing Nick Griffin to speak on air, but when you invite a moron to speak you can’t be too shocked when he says something idiotic. So it was last night when Nick crowbarred some Islamophobia into a topic on white working-class fears over a drink-and-drug culture. An intemperate, ludicrous statement that even had Jon Gaunt (yes, that Jon Gaunt) distancing himself from Griffin’s remarks.

It’s tempting to feel that Griffin and his merry band of fascist fuckwits should be ushered from the airwaves and never given a platform to speak. After all, for their claims to be a mainstream political party, they do not have, and never have had, a Westminster seat. Even Respect have one of those. They have some seats on local councils – which makes them equal in impact to the Cornish separatist movement. They even got excited at coming second in a parish council election. Given their negligible, virtually non-existent political imprint, they could justifiably be under a press blackout for reasons of irrelevance. But then we’d hear them cry out about being “gagged” because they “tell the truth”. We know, of course, that “the truth” is their eternal enemy, but they do love their persecution complex.

Since they dumped the boots, put on suits and decided to play at being real, grown-up politicians, the BNP have been exposed a thousand times as the racist scum that they are. Griffin’s comic stylings on Newsnight were instantly derided not only by Gaunt, but also by Kirsty Wark, but the people who chose to interview Griffin for the show also need to take a look at themselves. Was it really sensible to ask a question – any question – of a man whose political relevance is minuscule and derived entirely from intolerant rabble-rousing? Griffin claims to speak for the white working-class, but so do a huge number of other people, including a great many who, if they see a red light on a TV camera, don’t immediately think “Durrrr, I’m on TV again, time to say something naughty!”

Disappointingly, this move gave Gaunt a chance to lambast the BBC for painting the white working class as bigots, and align himself for perhaps the first and only time with the Observer’s Andrew Anthony – but even more disappointingly there was a lot to agree with in the rest of what Gaunt said.  Nick Griffin is not a fair representation of what working-class white people (a subset of society in which I am included) think and feel.  His politics of fear and hate have been rejected time and time and time again when it matters, and yet he still plays the “censorship” card in order to cling to some spurious relevance.  The media, more fool them, fall for it and give him time to air his nonsensical ramblings in the name of free speech.

The press and the television media need to have more confidence in saying “no” to Griffin and other extremists.  When the tiresome and inevitable cries of unfair suppression go up, they can point to the fact that for all the acres of coverage the BNP have already had, the party still has no MPs in Westminster, is running far behind the main parties in the race for London mayor, and can only garner a small protest vote at council elections which confer as much power as the average Parent-Teacher Association.

There is a counter-argument, of course, that allowing the BNP to speak forestalls any accusations of lack of balance.  This argument, however, is defective because these accusations continue even today.  It doesn’t require a change in policy to keep these idiots off the air, just a realisation that the BNP really aren’t that important.  Balance is one thing, going out of your way to appease tossers is quite another.

First Minister Ian Paisley, we hardly knew ye

Posted in Fury Home, People, Politics with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 4, 2008 by bootlegmarkchapman

There was a time that any left-leaning Northern Irishman would have greeted the news of Ian Paisley’s resignation from the DUP leadership with the popping of champagne corks and loud, fiddle-based party music. But it is a sign of how far the political landscape has moved that Paisley will leave if not to a standing ovation, at least to polite applause from the four corners of the Stormont chamber, and with the majority of his naysayers within his own party.

I’ve spent a large portion of my time on this planet decrying Paisley’s intransigence, his intolerance and his pandering to the lowest common denominator, something that he was in a position to do because both sides of the NI political spectrum were only too happy to provide an environment where the lowest common denominator could flourish.  It’s not been totally banished, but most commentators agree that such progress has been made that even the most retrograde forces within Stormont can now not turn the bus around and drive back to the days of Gerry Adams being voiced by an actor, and the regional news actually being interesting.

When Ian Paisley took the DUP into government with Sinn Fein it was a courageous step, as his past antipathy to that party was a matter of record.  People more cynical than I (there are a few) felt it proved nothing other than his desire to hold a little bit of power before he marched off into the sunset – but I feel that underestimates the man.  The photographs of him grinning broadly alongside Deputy First Minister Martin McGuinness show a good-natured collaboration that has, in my view, nothing to do with artifice.  Both men have compromised, shaken off their more extreme clothing, and worked for a future in which Northern Irish politics have to do with boring shit like bus fares and bin collections, not bomb craters and burning roadblocks.

So yes, I come not to bury Ian Paisley, but to praise him, if faintly.  The reasons for his departure have been hinted at, but he leaves with more goodwill than one could ever have imagined.  I never thought I’d hear myself say it, but good luck to the man.

Tabloids handling Madeleine investigation with usual reasoned detachment.

Posted in Children, Fury Home, Media, The Written Word with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 4, 2008 by bootlegmarkchapman

Another day, another stunningly tangential “lead” in the Madeleine McCann case. Now we hear that a British couple saw a 2×3″ “bundle” being carried out to sea by a man on a jetski, who then apparently deposited it on an “official-looking” boat – just nine hours after Madeleine apparently went missing. After reporting said sighting to the staff at the Ocean Club – with all the investigative powers that a hotel has at its disposal – the couple’s family then did what anyone would do and kept quiet for ten months before going to the tabloids about it. Armed with such a cast-iron lead, the PJ shamefully did absolutely nothing about it – yet more proof that the Portuguese police are a bunch of slackers.

Between them, the Sun and the Mail don’t seem sure when this sighting actually took place, and have differing information on the couple who witnessed this highly suspicious activity, but both are certain, without speaking to the PJ, that the lead was not followed up. The Sun in particular state in their headline that it was a “Maddie Bundle” on the jetski, which shows a remarkable level of certainty on the matter. Indeed, with all the evidence-gathering Team Wade has carried out, one is now forced to wonder whether it woudn’t be an idea to hand the entire investigation over to them. This latest development comes, after all, hot on the heels of a Portuguese taxi driver coming forward with the information that he ferried Madeleine, Robert Murat and three other adults, one who looked a bit like Kate McCann, to a nearby hotel.

Amid all the mud that has been fired at the PJ by these same papers, there is a nigh-on comical lack of objectivity, particularly from the Sun. In the “taxi driver” story, they wait for four paragraphs to state that at the time of the journey, Madeleine was not yet missing. Well worth splashing a headline that states (quotation marks mine) “Maddie and Murat were in my taxi”, then. A completely uncritical report of a parish councillor’s supposed sighting, which unaccountably fails to pose the questions of why the “Portuguese couple” were out in broad daylight with Europe’s most recognisable toddler, why the man didn’t go straight to the police, and why a Portuguese couple would bring to England a toddler that the entire British tabloid media have barely moved from their front pages since last spring. Not to mention the Dutch student who reports that “Maddie” looked startled when addressed by her name in a French service station (top tip: address any stranger you see as “Maddie”, or indeed any name, and see them be startled).

The old defence of “public interest” – as in “if the public are interested, it’s in the public interest”, is generally spouted by tabloid editors when asked why they jump all over sensitive stories. If some of them actually stopped to think that sometimes investigations will be negatively affected by their idiotic speculation, would it actually make a difference to the tone and detail of their reports? Of course it wouldn’t, but they will continue to launch brickbats at the PJ without bothering to look any deeper than the surface of the increasingly fatuous “sightings” that they stick on their front pages. Madeleine McCann deserves better than to be the new Elvis, with each new sighting more ridiculous than the last. When these “Exclusives” are taken in hand with the hectoring taking place over a potential “Sarah’s Law”, – taken to new lows here:
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– it’s hard not to conclude that the Sun’s main motivation in these stories has less to do with finding missing children and ensuring the same thing happens again, and more to do with flogging more copies of their vile rag. As Shannon Matthews’ own mother has said, the suspicion in this case is within her circle of friends and family, and thus “Sarah’s Law” would be of no help here. But that’s the Sun for you – if they can crowbar in their pet project, they will do – and relevance be damned.

How to piss on your own chips, by Marion Cotillard

Posted in fuckwits, Fury Home, Media, People, The Modern World with tags , , , , , , , , on March 2, 2008 by bootlegmarkchapman

It was all going so well.  A Bafta followed by an Oscar to go along with a Golden Globe and the new Audrey Tautou was a most palpable hit in Hollywood.  With a role alongside Johnny Depp in the soon-to-begin filming  “Public Enemies” 2008 was all set to be her year.  And then this happens.  It remains to be seen whether her career will be fatally stymied – there’s no shortage of actors out there with questionable views but solid CVs – but it’s safe to say that the recent thawing of US-French relations is unlikely to extend to a broad forgiveness of Cotillard’s frankly bizarre comments regarding the World Trade Centre attacks.

OK, so she hasn’t blamed the Jews for it – apologies for the distasteful link, but I feel that idiocy should be exposed – but unless she has a thunderously good explanation for the comments, it seems likely that instead of being the actress that casting directors immediately call when a part calls for an elfin French lady, Cotillard is going to be as fashionable as shit-flavoured milkshakes in the near future.  “3000 people were killed to save on re-wiring” ought to be a line of reasoning that causes conspiracy theorists the world over take one look at the bottles in their hands, rub their eyes and join the sentient world in thinking “OK, now that is fucking scary shit.”

Now, Tom Cruise’s interesting assertions that Scientologists are the only people capable of helping the victims of a motorway pile-up are one thing – a batshit-loony thing that adds to the already teetering pile of evidence that he leans towards being a touch eccentric (pleasedon’tsuepleasedon’tsuepleasedon’tsue) – but these remarks, and his adherence to the Cult of Scientology, only became common knowledge when he was already big box-office, and largely bullet-proof where the success of his films was concerned.  He could jump the couch 365 days of the year – 366 this year – and his next work would still attract large crowds on the strength of his name and little else.  Cotillard, although already established in France having appeared in the Taxi trilogy, had seemed set to become a global star and a bankable name, with three of the most prestigious cinematic awards in her handbag before March had even begun.

There’s little point looking into the merits of her argument – it’s possibly even weaker than the “Jewish Conspiracy” clownery.  She also seems to buy into the argument that the moon landings were faked, despite numerous point-by-point dismissals of that particular canard.  People who disbelieve conspiracy theories are frequently upbraided with remarks commenting on their gullibility, but when you scratch the surface of these theories they are very often hollow and easily disproved.  Indeed, if you challenge a conspiracy theory with one of the many reams of evidence that disprove it, the reply often comes back:  “That just goes to prove that they were worried people would work it out – they fabricated all that evidence to make us look like cranks.”

Marion Cotillard, however, has handed the anti-conspiracy community (of which I am pleased to be a part) a loaded revolver.  There’s really no work involved in making her look like a crank.  She’s done that herself, and in so doing has probably guaranteed Audrey Tautou another few take-it-to-the-bank default French babe roles.  Felicitations, Marion ma petite.

Jon Gaunt on capital punishment: “Waaaaaaaay-hey!”

Posted in fuckwits, Fury Home, Media, Politics, The Modern World with tags , , , , , , , on February 29, 2008 by bootlegmarkchapman

Jon Gaunt is mean and tough. He’s not a namby-pamby, and don’t you dare say otherwise. Jon Gaunt’s not into the idea of his taxes being used to keep mass murderers in Playstations and swan korma, and he’ll not thank you for implying that he is. It may be controversial, but Jon Gaunt is anti-murder, and he doesn’t care who knows it.  Jon Gaunt’s not one of those liberal sandal-hugging yoghurt-weavers  who won’t be happy until there’s a one-legged lesbian black heroin addict in Number 10.  When John Gaunt does a push up, he’s not pushing himself up, he’s pushing the earth down.

Actually, that last one’s Chuck Norris, but the rest is spot-on.  Today, Gaunt has regaled us with his views on capital punishment – again.  Having been one of two Sun writers to work himself up into a nigh-on orgasmic euphoria over the idea of its return just a few days ago, Gaunt’s own column today was devoted to his fantasies over what would be a suitable punishment for multiple murderer Levi Bellfield.  Despite the evidence, Gaunt still feels that the death penalty is a suitable deterrent to murderers, and throws up his arms in despair at the luxury in which Bellfield will spend the rest of his life.  A luxury that, I grant, would be entirely unmerited, which makes it a relief that it is also complete fiction.

In support of his argument, Gaunt puts forth the result of the in-no-way biased Sun poll that saw a startling 99% in favour of the death penalty.  A cynical person might suggest that the kind of person who votes in these polls is exactly the type of person who gets all their opinions from … well, Jon Gaunt.  Furthermore, at the time of writing, there has not been a law passed to give legislative powers to Sun pollsters, unless I’ve been in a very clean and very subtle coma.  Nonetheless, Gaunt tells it like it is:  “The politicians must listen”.  Gaunt calls for a free vote on the issue.  Gaunt forgets that as a representative democracy, the UK public votes for a government to enact legislation, and that deciding everything by referendum would slow things down to the point where Commons motions would eventually be passed thirty years after the issue was first raised.

The politicians DO listen, Jon, and a number of Westminster MPs agree with you on the death penalty.  However, a government was elected that opposes its return, so tough titty.  The families of the murder victims are justifiably angry and want revenge for their lost ones – as I imagine I might in such a situation.  The government, however, cannot allow emotion to dictate penalty where lives are at stake.  An awful lot depends on the government’s handling of issues, and any decent government cannot afford to be cheaply populist.  That is a privilege afforded to columnists like Gaunt – and bloggers, too – so for him to refer to MPs as “self-serving jokes” is like James Blunt criticising Frank Sinatra for his lack of  talent, and would be stupefyingly hypocritical if we expected any better from idiotic right-wing shock-jocks like him.